burnout as a badge

unfracturing

If you love something, you'll throw yourself into it. And that sort of passion is totally awesome. But healthy is 'coming up for air' and building in rest and care (however it looks for you) as sustainability for the journey.

There are times when something just needs to happen. Perhaps to make ends meet, or perhaps an important deadline. But as I was listening to a friend describe being pushed in a job to 'squeeze the last drop and then squeeze some more', I realized I see this a lot around me .... and in me.

As I head into retirement, I am realizing that I have run on adrenaline response mode for a long time.

I had a massage the other day and I could feel myself bracing at points. It wasn’t actually about the body, but more of an internal, emotional bracing as I pondered the upcoming changes in my life.

I’m not sure I know how to not run on adrenaline.

At one point in my life, I could sit and read books for hours. Now I read in snippets and chapters. I create or cook in intense bursts of focus. Power nap.

However, my heart is urging me to change. Not to lose my passion, but to let my passion be more of a flow rather than an intense wall of energy that shuts everything else out. To become mindful. But even more, to become embodied - to return to actually living through the body, with the body, and from the body.

I have no idea how this will look or how even to start. But I am confident that the wisdom is within me and that I can trust my body to help bring it forward.

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