Compartmentalization.
I remember the first time I saw a description of trauma responses and found compartmentalization listed.
However, I thought that compartmentalization was a super power. It was certainly my expertise and go to way of handling things.
For me, this created a fragmentation beyond detachment. At one point in counseling, I tried to describe how fragmented I felt internally. Not as a multiple personality, but as a ‘pieces of me are missing’. I’ve done a lot of work and healing to get to the point where I feel relatively ‘whole’.
My growth over the past decade, and really strongly over the past 5-7 years, has been in therapeutic dissociation via a lot of creative flow and spiritual journeys with some meditation.
What I see beginning to come back, albeit slowly and tenderly, is ordinary dissociation. Getting lost in a book. Watching the clouds and zoning out. Day-dreaming. Closing my eyes and listening to the birds.
For me, ordinary dissociation requires also having a sense of safety. For a long time, I looked for, and created, external safety. But along the way, learned that internal safety is a much more critical ingredient which requires both self-trust and self-love.
It is definitely a journey.
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